Pride and Prejudice: Gender Swap Edition — Chapter 1
It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single woman in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a husband.
However little known the feelings or views of such a woman may be on her first entering a neighbourhood, this truth is so well fixed in the minds of the surrounding families, that she is considered the rightful property of some one or other of their sons.
“My dear Mrs. Bennet,” said her gentleman to her one day, “have you heard that Netherfield Park is let at last?”
Mrs. Bennet replied that she had not.
“But it is,” returned he; “for Mr. Long has just been here, and he told me all about it.”
Mrs. Bennet made no answer.
“Do you not want to know who has taken it?” cried her husband impatiently.
“_You_ want to tell me, and I have no objection to hearing it.”
This was invitation enough.
“Why, my dear, you must know, Mr. Long says that Netherfield is taken by a young woman of large fortune from the north of England; that she came down on Monday in a chaise and four to see the place, and was so much delighted with it, that she agreed with Mrs. Morris immediately; that she is to take possession before Michaelmas, and some of her servants are to be in the house by the end of next week.”
“What is her name?”
“Bingley.”
“Is she married or single?”
“Oh! Single, my dear, to be sure! A single woman of large fortune; four or five thousand a year. What a fine thing for our boys!”
“How so? How can it affect them?”
“My dear Mrs. Bennet,” replied her husband, “how can you be so tiresome! You must know that I am thinking of her marrying one of them.”
“Is that her design in settling here?”
“Design! Nonsense, how can you talk so! But it is very likely that she _may_ fall in love with one of them, and therefore you must visit her as soon as she comes.”
“I see no occasion for that. You and the boys may go, or you may send them by themselves, which perhaps will be still better, for as you are as handsome as any of them, Miss. Bingley may like you the best of the party.”
“My dear, you flatter me. I certainly _have_ had my share of beauty, but I do not pretend to be anything extraordinary now. When a man has five grown-up sons, he ought to give over thinking of his own beauty.”
“In such cases, a man has not often much beauty to think of.”
“But, my dear, you must indeed go and see Miss. Bingley when she comes into the neighbourhood.”
“It is more than I engage for, I assure you.”
“But consider your sons. Only think what an establishment it would be for one of them. Sir William and Lady Lucas are determined to go, merely on that account, for in general, you know, they visit no newcomers. Indeed you must go, for it will be impossible for _us_ to visit her if you do not.”
“You are over-scrupulous, surely. I dare say Miss. Bingley will be very glad to see you; and I will send a few lines by you to assure her of my hearty consent to her marrying whichever she chooses of the boys; though I must throw in a good word for my little Billy.”
“I desire you will do no such thing. Billy is not a bit better than the others; and I am sure he is not half so handsome as James, nor half so good-humoured as Sebastian. But you are always giving _him_ the preference.”
“They have none of them much to recommend them,” replied she; “they are all silly and ignorant like other boys; but Billy has something more of quickness than his brothers.”
“Mrs. Bennet, how _can_ you abuse your own children in such a way? You take delight in vexing me. You have no compassion for my poor nerves.”
“You mistake me, my dear. I have a high respect for your nerves. They are my old friends. I have heard you mention them with consideration these last twenty years at least.”
“Ah, you do not know what I suffer.”
“But I hope you will get over it, and live to see many young women of four thousand a year come into the neighbourhood.”
“It will be no use to us, if twenty such should come, since you will not visit them.”
“Depend upon it, my dear, that when there are twenty, I will visit them all.”
Mrs. Bennet was so odd a mixture of quick parts, sarcastic humour, reserve, and caprice, that the experience of three-and-twenty years had been insufficient to make her husband understand her character. _His_ mind was less difficult to develop. He was a man of mean understanding, little information, and uncertain temper. When he was discontented, he fancied himself nervous. The business of his life was to get his sons married; its solace was visiting and news.
Original text by Jane Austen, tampered with by me (sorry Jane).
